I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I party with great urgency now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
