i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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