Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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