He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
