Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
