Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
