Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
