and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
