He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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