so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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