New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
