my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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