Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Mom said you looked used
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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