I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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