Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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