trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
