Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
