you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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