I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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