Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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