dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
