please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
