Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
