I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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