this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
