just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
