Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
