He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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