I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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