He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my poor anus
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
