Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
