I hate your face
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
