Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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