A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
