I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize