He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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