I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people