Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.