If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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