if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
