In America we eat man semen.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
