He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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