Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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