I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
