i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
