Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
