I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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