Im at strip club and am horny
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
