Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
