I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
