We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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