Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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