the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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