i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
