can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
