I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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