What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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