Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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