So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
