as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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