That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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