I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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