apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Found your dick twin last night
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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