Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
