I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
