Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
