He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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